Adventures in Bratsitting
by bleachUlquiGrimm
Summary: Nnoitra is proving his awesomeness to recalling to a time when he babysat. Listen to his tale and enjoy Read, Review, Enjoy...not in that order maybe...read
1. Prologue

Prologue

So. Let's get the introductions over with. Ma' name's Nnoitra Jiruga, the awesomest, strongest, most well respected, sexiest, fastest, smartest, pimpest, most long lasting Espada in the all of Hueco Mundo. I'm just that good. Heh.

_May I ask who thinks of you in those ways? _

Go away Halibel! This is my story!! ANYHOO, aside from being the bestest Espada ever, I am also one of the most hardworking. In fact, here's a story of mine to describe just how awesome I am.

_I'm sticking around to make sure you tell it right. _

I don't need your help! _The way you exaggerate? I'm staying. _

UGH, fine, just be quiet.

_I don't think so._

Damn woman…they never listen…

_What was that!?_

Nothing! Let's just start the story already. Sigh…


	2. The Adventure Begins

A Misadventure Begins

It was a regular kind of day, ya' know. I was getting back from the Privaron Espada's branch because I had just saved them from a powerful Hollow that was too strong for them to handle.

_Already lying I see._

It's not a lie! I really did do that. Go ask Dordoni. Wait! W-where are you going!?

_I'm going to see Dordoni. Be right back (exits)._

Oh crap. Cirucci's gonna' have a bitch fit…on with the story. I was just getting back from the Privaron Espada's branch after collapsing it. I had nothing more to do, so what better to do when you're bored then eat? Nothing, so I headed over to the handy-dandy kitchen area.

_Cirucci said you were going to die._

Really!? Right then Halibel? I'm telling a story!!

_Fine. I'm sorry. I just wanted to warn you._

…Thank you…so shut up now! I went into the kitchen and made myself a snack. There was a little person in there. Not just any little person. A green haired Privaron Espada I knew all too well.

"Neliel!?"

"Heya! You's must know Nel fwum sumwhere."

"…Sort of…" I said frowning. The little version of my rival smiled.

"Do you's gots any jewwo?"

"Any what?"

"Jewwo. Dondachakka told Nel jewwo was a dewicious tweat."

"What are you saying?"

"Wha's goin' on in here?" a silver-haired fox walked into the room. I turned to see Gin Ichimaru, the General. I sneered at him.

"Gin. What are _you_ doing in here?"

I came for a snack, but I can see you're busy molesting."

I turned a shade of pink. Nothing was worse than being a child molester.

"N-no! I'm not a child molester!" I defended myself. Gin's smile grew. I stomped my boot on the ground angrily. "Dammit Gin!"

"Getting' kinda' touchy, eh?"

I turned my back on him. I didn't have to take that shit from him. Not at all, not at all. I looked at Neliel diggin' in our fridge for food. I dragged her away from it.

"Ey! That is our food! You don't mess with it!"

"But Noitwa! Nel wants some jewwo!"

"I don't know what that is!"

"Lover's spat?"

"GET OUTTA' HERE!!!!!!!" I yelled. He smiled.

"Maybe I outta' tell Aizen about this." Gin said waving his fingers strangely. I shook my head. Nel went back to diggin in the fridge. I pulled her away.

"I said no!"

"The jewwo Master Noitwa! Jewwo!"

While I argued with the brat, Gin started laughin. Jerk…I finally picked up Neliel to make her stop her diggin. She squirmed in my arms, and I hit her.

_You hit her!?_

Sigh…yes, I hit her. Be quiet. Now that Nel was quiet, I took my anger on Gin and punched him. And don't say anything. I know I can only hit him because he let me. I left after that. Left and bumped into Aizen.

"Nnoitra. Hello."

"Aizen-sama…hey…what's up?"

"I was wondering why you were holding that child…"

"Hewwo Aizen…how aw you?"

"I'm fine Nel."

I looked between the two. I was very, as Nel would say, confuzzled.

"You two know each other?"

"Of course. I told her brothers I would watch her."

"Really?"

I got a disapproving look from Azien that made me turn away from him. Nel smiled at me.

"Aw you scawed of Aizen, Noitwa?"

"Er…of course no-I mean, yes. He's the best and I fear him."

"Very nice Nnoitra, but I'm not accepting any flattery right now. I need to ask you a favor actually."

I shifted Nel on my side and then looked at Aizen.

"Uh, yes? What do you need Aizen-sama?"

"I need you to watch Nel."

"WHAT!?"

Aizen raised a brow. I closed my mouth. Too shocked to speak, I just nodded. Aizen smiled that frightening, small smile of his. He left me with his task. I sighed. Nel made a weird noise. I looked down. She was drooling on me! I held her away from me.

"EW!!!! What are you doing drooling on me!?!" I yelled.

"Nel was so entwanced by her thoughts, that Nel drooled awl over Master Noitwa."

"Don't say that with a smile!"

"Heeeeee heeeee."

I looked away from her. She was beyond creepy. I started the walk to my room. The faster I got her there, the sooner she could leave with her brothers.

_Heartless monster._

Big-booby bitch.

…

Actually, I like that about you. Heh.

_Just get back to the story, Nnoitra._

Urm…I was just one hall away from my room before I heard a disturbing noise.

"hhhhhhhhhooooooowwwwwwoooo…"

I stopped. Nel was shivering. I was too. That was creepy. What was it? I looked at Nel.

"That better be water." I said to her gravely.

"I don't tink it is."

I dropped her on the floor. She cried out on pain.

"That wasn't nice! Nel's butt hurts now! Noitwa you-"

"hhhhhhhoowwwwooooo..."

Nel hugged my leg. I hugged my leg. This wasn't funny. What was that sound. Tousen came around the corner with the little arrancar, Wonderweiss. He opened his mouth.

"hhhhooooooowwwwwooo…"

I frowned. I had been scared of that stupid, weirdo Arrancar!? Shame. I walked up to Tousen.

"What's the big idea letting that little freak howling like that? You scared me-my Nel."

"Your Nel?"

"Hewwo Tousen. Nel's weally happy to see you agin."

"Ah, hello Nel."

"Does everyone here know her?"

Tousen nodded. I shook my head. My gaze fell on Wonderweiss. He was rubbing up against my leg. Tousen looked up at what he assumed it was my face, he was right.

"Wonderweiss likes you."

"Wish I could say the same." I mumbled.

"Do you? Why don't you babysit for me then?"

"HUH!?"

"He wants Master Noitwa to babysit dat wittle guy."

"Yeah, I heard that Nel."

She just smiled at me. I was sorta' stuck. I had to either do the job or get roasted by Aizen. Hm? Which is worse? Ah, baby-sitting it is.

"Su-ure" I said. Wonderweiss jumped into my arms knocking me over. It was going to be a long night…

_Luckily, you have me._

What you talkin' bout bitch?

_I'm inserting myself into your flashback._

You can't do that! Readers will get pissed.

_Fine, let's ask the readers then._

Who wants Halibel to join me in my flashback?

Answer in your reviews please, or this story goes nowhere.

Nnoitra: WTF!? This is my story! You can't cancel it!

I'm bleachUlquiGrimm. I can do whatever I please, bee-otch.

REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	3. Trouble From the Start

I had a tie. 1 person said yes Halibel should appear and 1 person said she shouldn't. I picked the 2nd person cause Nnoitra should suffer alone. Sorry those who wnat Halibel to show up!

* * *

Trouble from the Start…

Okay, this sort of sucks cause the readers spoke, and they don't want Halibel to help me out meaning I'm dealing with two psycho children all by myself. Seriously, how fucked up is that? I gotta' look after Nel, the crazy child and also Wonderweiss, aka problem child. Worse still is the taunting Halibel is giving me because I have to do everything myself. Look at this! She's got a bucket of popcorn and everything!

_Hey, the readers have spoken. Have fun Nnoitra._

Okay then…I'm screwed. I led both Nel and Wonderweiss to my room. It was about the time Tesla would be cleaning my room…I could be lazy and let him do this for me but what if Aizen found out?

**The Thought.** Aizen and Tousen walked up to me with smiles on their faces. They were both eager to see how I had done.

"So how'd it go my fifth Espada?"

"Just great. He should be finishing up now." I open the door where Tesla is playing with both children. I look at the now angry faces of Aizen and Tousen. Tousen knocks me to the ground and pins me with his foot. Aizen pulls out a dagger.

"For not taking responsibility, I will cut you up one by one with this dagger. I'm positive it will hurt."

**Reality.** I shook my head side to side. That was _not_ going to happen. Being cut up by a dagger? I shudder. Such a slow and painful death.

"Aw you cwying Noitwa?"

"What's it to you kid?" I snap. She pointed at me and smiled.

"When Nel gets sad, Pesche will do a funny dance to cheer her up. Wanna see it?"

I stare at her. I meant to cuss her out, but what she said just stopped me. But of course, she took my silence as a yes. She jumped out in front of me and Wonderweiss who had that stupid look on his face.

"Okay! This is Pesche's dance called Eternal Tag Dance!"

"Fucking great…" I shook my head. Wonderweiss made some kind of noise. Hell if I knew what he was saying let alone doing. Nel slapped me on my leg. It hurt…like hell. She was strong like a little head.

"What was that for!?" I yell. She smiled

"Heeeeeeeeeeeee…That's how it starts. Now for the dance. WITH sing-a-long!"

"With what now??"

"If you're feewing down! Don't wun awound! Let's pway some eternal tag! It goes like this! It's weally, weally simple!" She sang off key. If my ears didn't bleed, something else would. Her singing sucks! And WTF, Wonderweiss is howling along with her???

"Just gwab a fwend," She grabbed me. "And make'em wun. Then you chase'em all awound! That's Eternal Tag!"

"Let go of-OW!"

"The tag is simple, a nice, hard swap! Swap them weally hawd!"

Nel started slapping me with her little fists. I tried to get her off of me, but she held on tight! She kept slapping me while singing her horrible, off key song. Wonderweiss joined in and slapped me too. It would have been okay…wait…what am I saying!? This is _not_ okay!!!! Nel grabbed me around my neck and swung me around until I fell on the floor. There Wonderweiss jumped onto my chest. They used me as a trampoline.

"Master Noitwa! This is weally fun!"

"FOR WHO!?!?" I yelled struggling to get up. Down the hall, the door to my room opened. Tesla came out. Perfect timing for once!

"TESLA!!! TESLA!!! TESLA!!!! TESLA!!!!!!!!"

Finally he looked down my way. He ran over and took each child off me one by one. I sighed and put my hand on my chest…OWCH. I looked at each kid harshly but before I could kill them, Tesla interrupted.

"Master? Why are you traveling with…children?"

I knew that tone in his voice. I tired of having people thing that about me too.

"I am NOT a molester!!!" I yell at him. He rubs the back of his head seeing the mistake he made. Yeah, he better know. He apologized. It was too bad I couldn't ask him for help. I would have to do it alone. Damn it to hell. I watched him leave. There was a look on his face. A _look_. I was going to kill him next time I saw him. I took Nel and Wonderweiss' hands and dragged them to my room where I threw them on the floor and shut the door. I huffed and looked at them. Wonderweiss howled. I shushed him quickly. Nel opened her mouth to say something, but I shushed her too.

"No! Both of you shut the fuck up!"

"Aw you mad Master Noitwa?" Nel asked with a finger on her chin. I picked her up by her Hollow mask, looked in her face, and smiled.

"You tell me. There are veins popping out of my head as we speak. I'm sure my blood pressure is dangerously high. Do you think I'm angwy…angry?"

"I don't know! What do you expect from Nel!? Nel is just a wittle girl! Nel hasn't learned evwything about the woild and you expect her to know wight her on da' spot! Wah! Wah! WAH!" She started to cry. Oh shit.

"STOP CRYING!! NOW!"

No good. Wonderweiss looked at me. I stared back. His face crumpled up.

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!" He started crying. This is crazy! What got him started? I put Nel down and watched as they both cried. There was a knock on my door.

"What's going on in here?" my savior asked.

"Halibel! You've gotta help me!" I opened up the door. She raised a brow and looked past me to see the crying kids.

"What did you do?"

That look. Again! Do people honestly believe that I'm a molester? What is it about me that makes people think that? Is it my height? Is it my eye patch. Is it my devilishly handsome face? What is it? She stared at me and shook her head.

"I'm not involving myself in this." She walked away.

"No! DON'T LEAVE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I yelled after her. She was gone. The kids continued to cry.

"I give up. What would make you stop crying?"

"N-Nel w-wants sum ice cweam."

"H-hoooooowwwwwooooo!"

"Ice cweam…I mean, Ice cream?"

"Yeah! Nel just wuvs ice cweam! It's cold and soft. It's the ultimate tweat!"

Wonderweiss howled in excitement and agreement. I groaned. That means we have to go the kitchen, _through_ the hallways and past the meeting room.

"Alright, if we have to do this, you have to stay with me at all times."

"Oh Master Noitwa, Nel is blushin'!"

I took a step away from the blushing arrancar. I'm not letting my guard down for a second. I put my hand on the door.

"I'm opening the door. Remember-"

Nel jumped on my back. It was a hug.

"Stay wif you. I wemember."

I shudder. That's very disturbing. I eyed Wonderweiss. He was staring at the floor. Maybe he wouldn't do anything stupid. I opened the door. Wonderweiss zoomed out the door. It was so fast, I missed it and the wind whooshed past me.

"Wah! What was that?"

"Oh! Oh no!" Nel jumped off of me and stood by the door frame.

"HEY!! We wasn't goin yet! Mister! You's gotsta come back!"

"Mister? Who are you-??! Wonderweiss! NO!" I scooped up Nel and ran down the hallways. This was bull. This was shit. This was bull shit. I could hear him howling, but I couldn't see him anywhere. Nel hugged my leg making me fall on my face. She rolled further ahead of me. I put my head up.

"You…brat…what did you do that for?"

Nel knocked on my head. I was getting so mad.

"Nel wanted to give Noitwa a hug cuz Nel thinks Noitwa is nice. Although he can be an ass."

"Ey! Don't use bad words you bitch."

"Nel is sowwy! She didn't mean it!"

"hhhhoooowwwwwoooo…" We heard. I stood up quickly. He was in that room over there! I ran down the hall. Nel kept pace. She was yelling something at me. I couldn't understand her. She ran ahead of me. My foot slipped on something…slippery. I lost my footing. I wasn't going to fall again. I stuck my foot out, but that turned me. I hit the wall then hit the floor. I looked at the puddle around me. Was I bleeding? I looked at the green puddle. It was slimy and sticky and gooey. Nel appeared over my head.

"Nel thwew up on da floor to stop Noitwa."

"Why?" I said sitting up. Her vomit was all over my hands.

"Cuz you were abowt to wun in Aizen's woom."

"Aizen's?"

The howl came from the door. The sign on the door said it was Aizen's room. That was just great. Wonderweiss was in Aizen's room. CRASH!

"AH! What was that!?!"

"A vase bwoke."

"WHAT!?" I got up as fast as I could and pulled at the door knob.

"Wonderweiss! Let me in! Let me in! Let me in! Wonderweiss!!"

"Hooowowo…Nonotra."

"My name's Nnoitra! Open the door!!!"

CRASH! CRASH! KERASH! BOOM! I cringed at each break. This was not happening…I kicked the door. I punched the door. What else could I do? That door was not opening. I tapped my chin. IDEA! I pushed Nel back and moved back. I stuck out my KISS worthy tongue and gathered energy for a cero. It built up and I fired! BOOM! The smoke cleared. The door was still there! How was that even possible!? I kicked the door violently while screaming.

I stopped huffing and puffing. Fuck this…but I had to get him. He was causing too much damage. CRASH!!! Ugh…he wouldn't open the door for me…my cero wouldn't work. Wait…my cero? I looked at Nel. Didn't Nel have that cero doble technique? I smile and aim my cero at Nel. As expected, she swallows my golden cero and puts her hand over her mouth. I grab her and aim her at the door.

"Spit, damn you! Spit!"

She released it. That blew the door away…and the walls…and some of the floor…and dented the ceiling…No time to worry about stuff I would get in trouble for later! I stomped into the room and grabbed Wonderweiss. He tried to get free.

"Stop that! I'm not letting you go! Ever. Not until we get back to my room!"

"NNOITRA!? What the fuck are you doing?"

I looked at the door to see the horrified face of my rival Grimmjow Jaegerjaques. I looked between Wonderweiss and him. I gasped.

"Wait. Grimmjow! N-no! It's not what you think!"

"I defended you against the people who called you a molester! _Now_ what am I supposed to say?"

"Grimmjow! It's not like that!"

"You have a child…children with you. You're yelling at them to come to your room…I-I don't even know what to think anymore!"

"But it's not _like_ that!!"

"I gotta' go. Call me when you get help." He walked away from the scene. My jaw was dropped. I set myself up for that one…I looked at Wonderweiss. He had a big smile on his face.

"I hate you…" I said. He howled. Nel ran up.

"Super Acceleration!" She zoomed forward and knocked me over.

"Noitwa! Nel saw da whole ting! You aw a nice person!"

"Get off me! Let's get the ice cream and go before Aizen gets back."

I rushed them out of the room. I was not sticking around to see Aizen's face when he saw how trashed his room was.


	4. Ice Cream and Toys

Ice Cream & Toys

I don't like this story any more…Halibel can I stop telling it? It makes me relive such bad memories. These kids are evil…

_Sorry. I'm having too much fun listening. CONTINUE!!!!!_

Alright, alright…so. We made it to the kitchen. It was just about time too because Wonderweiss started to hum, so Nel decided to sing improve to the beat. This time my ears did bleed. After that, Wonderweiss tripped and started crying. I told him to stop being a bitch, and he cried louder.

I don't think I'm cut out for kids. I'll never have them. I'll never agree to babysit again. Well, he wouldn't stop crying, so I put my hand over his mouth. He bit me. Those buck teeth of his sank right down into my skin. I mean _down_. I screamed in pain; he started gnawing. Nel tried to pull him off but that just made him bite harder.

"Stop pulling!!!" I had said. She did. Wonderweiss flew forward into me. That was just traveling to the kitchen. Inside the kitchen was worse. While I looked for the ice cream, Nel and Wonderweiss played with the whipped cream and the chocolate sauce. I turned back to them.

"Hey! That is a waste of good ice cream toppings! Stop!"

They squirted me with the chocolate and whipped cream. They must have thought this was some kind of game. Hell, they must have thought I was in a good mood. I can tell you right now, I'm not! I finally found the ice cream. Vanilla. That's all we had. I shrugged. It would be okay. Those two brats should be lucky they get anything at all. I gave them three scoops each. I let them put whatever they wanted on it. We had a lot of candy and sauces and stuff. After I saw the ice cream, I regretted letting them do it themselves. They were going to get sick. Nel waved her spoon around.

"Noitwa! Nel put chocolate sauce on hers."

"I can see…but…what's that other shit?"

"Nel awlso cawamel, peppermint, bananas, gummi wowms, spwinkles, and chewwies."

Her ice cream looked a mess. Like barf. Like shit even. I look away before I threw up. I looked to Wonderweiss'. It looked worse. He howled.

"Don't tell me. You've got some M&M's, strawberry sauce, sprinkles, Swedish Fish, chocolate covered strawberries, nuts, whipped cream, cherries, pretzels, and mangos, right?"

He nodded in happiness. That did it. I stuck my head in a trash can. Let it all come out.

They finished their ice cream. Nel slumped in her chair.

"Noitwa, aw we goin back to your woom?"

"Yeah, now let's go."

"Oh…I'm too stuffed! Cawwy me."

"I'm not carrying you! You can walk!"

She struggled to get up. When she finally made it to her feet, she took one step and got tired. I groaned. I was going to have to carry her.

"What about you Wonderweiss?"

He was on the floor sprawled out. He was just as bad as Nel. I would have to carry both of them. This wouldn't be a problem if I wasn't scared they would throw up on me. Plus, they were covered in their treat. I didn't want it on my uniform. Nel jumped into my arms.

"Wet's go." She said pointing to the door. I grabbed Wonderweiss and put him over my shoulder. They were both super heavy, especially Wonderweiss.

"Note to self: ice cream bad." I mumbled to myself. Nel pat me.

"Wet's go, Noitwa."

"Don't order me around."

"Hooowwo…BELCH!"

"Please don't throw up…" I begged them both. That would just about make my day. I walked at a snail's pace. Nel kept squirming, and Wonderweiss kept making strange noises.

"Buurgle-burp!"

"Wonderweiss! I'm serious! Don't you dare-"

"bbbbbllllleeeeech!!"

"AH!!!!!" The oozy, gooey liquid ran down my back to my legs some got in my boots. It ran to the floor. I was stopped in my tracks. Oh…oh…oh…

"EEEEEEEWW!!!!! THAT'S DISGUSTING!!"

"Noitwa, Wonderweiss is gween."

"Green!? Wonderweiss, just calm down and-"

"Blllllllleeeeeeeeccccchhhh!!!!"

"Oh…It feels so weird…ew…"

"Look at the cowor Noitwa."

"I DON'T WANT TO SEE HIS VOMIT!!!!!!!" I yelled. I had closed my eye. I just had to ignore the…

"Bllllllleeeeeeeccccccchhh!!!"

"Wonderweiss, c'mon. Just sto-"

"bbbbblllllleeeeecccccch!!!!"

"I'm beggin you now! C'mo-"

"Blllllleeeeeecccccchhhh!!!"

I started to cry. I know I was a guy and crying isn't really our style, but I cried. My clothes were soaked…and smelly. Wonderweiss was still going too. Nel was laughing and encouraging him. This was the worst day of my life.

Back in my room, I had to change my clothes and give my pukey clothes to Tesla to wash. The look on his face when I handed the uniform was priceless, probably the only laugh I would get for the rest of the day. I went back to my room to see Nel and Wonderweiss stacking my prized scented lamps on each other. I took them from the hell raisers. They got mad and attacked. I grabbed them both and pinned them down on the bed with one of my long legs. They squirmed. Wonderweiss tried to bite me, but I grabbed his head and put it back. He howled. Nel yelled. I laughed. After they settled down, I let them up. They frowned at me.

"We're bored!" Nel yelled. I smiled.

"I'm tired of having to deal with you two."

"Find us someting ta do!!"

"Read a book." I went to my bookcase and grabbed a book. I looked at the cover and shoved it back on my shelf.

"Er…on second thought…let's get you some toys."

"Toys!!!!" Nel danced. Wonderweiss howled and danced with her. Maybe some lead based toys would be a good idea.

_You are truly evil and have no tolerance._

They almost broke my scented lamps!

_Okay, those scented lamps smell the same. And they're ugly._

Says you…Ah, bup, bup, bup. Don't say anything. I'm going back to the story. Nel and Wonderweiss hugged my legs happy that I was going to get them some toys. At that time, I didn't realize toys meant going to the World of the Living. Even better…I put my gigai on and gave Nel and Wonderweiss their gigais because they were going to pick out their own toys.

The World of the Living was still dull. I often came with Halibel, so I was used to the area. I headed straight for the toy store. No extra stops. No distractions. They toy store was the desti…destin…whatever that word was. We walked in. Everybody stared at me and my followers. I already knew what was in their heads so there was no reason to get worked up and cause a scene, right? Right?

"Why are all you's guys stawing at us, huh? Can't we walk into a store and nots be stawed at? Why aw you's pickin on us?"

"Nel, calm the hell down." I say. She doesn't listen.

"We justs wants toys like you's so why do you's has to stawe at us? Why?"

Everyone stared at us even more. I took off the hat I was wearing and put it in front of my ever so red face. Little kids were so embarrassing.

"I feel so sorry for that father." A lady whispered to another lady. I whimpered. Nel pushed me along down the aisles.

"We wants toys!" She laughed. I put the hat back on my head and eyed her.

"You two are picking out the toys, I'm just buying them."

"Wonderweiss, have you's founds any toys?" Nel asked.

He was gone. That problem child really was a problem child. I growled.

"Nel, go pick out some toys. I have to find Wonderweiss." I left her alone and went after Wonderweiss. One thing I was pretty sure of. He wouldn't leave the store. It was a kid paradise. I looked up every aisle. Still I didn't see him. I was beginning to think he ran off never to be found. What would that be like?

**The Thought.** I was in my room playing with Nel like a good brat-sitter. Aizen and Tousen walked into the room with smiles on their faces. Aizen pat me on my back.

"You did a wonderful job taking care of Nel, Nnoitra. You're a model Espada."

"Aw, it was nuthin! Once you settle'em down, it's easy."

"Uh…Nnoitra?" Tousen said.

"Yes?"

"Where's Wonderweiss?"

"Oh, he ran off while we were in the World of the Living. He's probably there somewhere."

Aizen grabbed me, pulling my arms behind my back. Tousen stood in front of me with his zanpaku-to drawn and ready.

"You failed your assignment. Now, you will die." He thrust the sword.

**Reality.** I shook my head. That was a scary thought. It could also be real if I don't find Wonderweiss. Why did he run away from me? I thought he liked me. I kept walking. There he is. He was in the aisle with the action figures. A boy was playing with him.

"Wonderweiss, you made a friend?"

"Hooooow!" He smiled at me. They boy moved the action figure to 'kick' Wonderweiss' action figure.

"Ha! Ha! I killed you."

Wonderweiss just stared at the boy. Unexpected. POW! I smile. Wonderweiss took his hand back from punching the kid. The boy started crying. The mother ran down the aisle and picked up her son having seen the whole thing.

"What's wrong with you? Control your kid!"

"Ha! Maybe you should teach your kid how to take a hit!" I laughed. The lady fumed and marched out of the store. I ruffled Wonderweiss' hair.

"Good job. One extra toy for you." I whispered to him. He took the action figure he was holding now. He also grabbed a bouncy ball the size of his fist. Satisfied, he allowed me to lead him to the aisle where I left Nel. She had become quite popular with the kids. A lot of kids were playing dolls with her. She was in command of course.

"Nel says you can't play! You can. Nel wants you to be this doll. Everybody laugh!!!"

The kids erupted in laughter. That was enough for me to see. I picked Nel up.

"The queen has to go now." I said. Nel held up a doll and a spray can. It sprayed silly string. I got Wonderweiss one. What the heck? I grabbed three for myself. At least I could pay and leave. I paid the boy working the register and left. Now we could get back and dump these gigais.

Back in my room, Wonderweiss and Nel played with their doll and action figure together. They fought arrancar style. I made them stop when Wonderweiss used his bala and Nel used her super acceleration. They sat in time-out on either side of my room. I lay on my bed. This was too much work.

"Noitwa."

"No talking."

"But Noitwa."

"NO talking." I said harshly. She huffed. I put my head back on my pillow. I wasn't going to fall asleep. I would just rest my eyes.

"NOITWA!!!"

I jumped out of the bed.

"What!? What's going on??"

"I gotsta go potty."

"Potty?"

"I gotsta _go_."

"Go-oh. Oh. OH! Er, come with me!" I took her hand and Wonderweiss', he wasn't going to run off again, and ran out of my room down the halls to the nearest bathroom. There! It was just up ahead! What the fuck? Closed for renovations? No one cares what a bathroom looks like!!! Luckily, there were other bathrooms. I had to run through arrancar, slippery hallways, and other perils to get there, but we made it.

"Alright, go to the bathroom."

"Nel doesn't have to go any more." She smiled. There was a disgusted look on my face. Even Wonderweiss crinkled his nose in disgust. Maybe I should put them to sleep…


	5. Bath, Story, Nap, End

Last Chapter! Last chapter! Last chapter!!!! Aw…last chapter… I had fun writing it though! YAY!!!!

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Bath, Story, Nap, End…Finally…

Now we reach the climax of the story. That is to say, the end. That's good for me. These kids are pissing me off.

_Nnoitra, you're angered way too easily._

Blah, blah, blah, eat your popcorn!

_*raises eyebrow at Nnoitra*_

Er…I meant to say…would you like me to take you to eat after the story?

_That's what I _thought _you said._

Heh, heh…Eh…story time. Nel had pissed herself, so I now had the joy of giving her a bath. She was delighted, not me. Maybe if she was her older self and I had to give her a bath. That would be something now wouldn't it? The thought makes me smile. Neliel letting me give her a bath. Hullo, happiness. BACK to the matter at hand.

"Wonderweiss, can you find me some soap?"

"Waaaaaaaaah." He left in search for some soap.

"ASK HALIBEL!!!" I called after him. Nel hugged my leg.

"I'm looking forwawd to dis baf!" She sang. I winced.

"That makes one of us…and get off of my leg!!" I shook her off. She shrugged and went into my bathroom, my bathroom that was supposed to be off limits to everyone. UGH. This sucked. Tesla was going to have to sanctify it before I stepped foot in it again after this. Wonderweiss returned with some soap and a towel. I took them from him. This was a dilemma…I was going to have to bathe Nel but I couldn't leave Wonderweiss alone with no supervision. I couldn't ask anyone for help.

Too much pride…and the thought of the dagger haunted my mind. I did what any conflicted brat-sitter would. I picked up Wonderweiss, put him on the bed, grabbed some chains, and tied him to it. That would hold him. I went into the bathroom where Nel was fiddling with the knobs. I smacked her hands away.

"Don't touch."

"Nel wants ta' do it!"

"Nel can sit down until I have the water ready. Nel should never have wet herself in the first place. Nel should be grateful Nnoitra is even doing this!"

"What aw you sayin Noitwa?"

I pulled at my hair. She was making me mad. I don't think she'd like me when I'm angry. I already had a plan for if she made me mad. In that movie Final Destination, this boy Todd gets choked with the shower wire. Well, can't I do that to Nel? I smile and run the water. It's nice and warm. I'm surprised when Nel happily jumps in, clothes off and everything.

"Can Nel have some bath toys?"

"No. You're here to get clean."

"But Nel is misewable."

"So is Nnoitra."

She crosses her arms. I scrub her down making her nice and clean. I even shampoo her (visible) hair while I'm at it. Don't take it the wrong way; I'm not doing this because I enjoy it. She's clean. I dry her off. Problem. We don't have any clothes for her. We certainly can't put on her green dress hoodie thing. It was pee soaked. What to do? Nnoitra thought. Damn it! Now I'm speaking in third person. I thought of something we could use as clothes. She could use my old uniform. It's not really my style now anyway.

"Stay here." I said before leaving to find my old uniform. It was much too big for her and it had that huge opening where my chest showed. I guess this was out of the question. Now what? I guess it was now a good idea that Tesla's room was connected to mine.

"Tesla." I knocked on the door. He opened it.

"Master Nnoitra? What do you need?"

"Clothes."

"Huh?"

"You heard me! I need clothes for a little girl."

"Little girl, sir?"

"DON'T GIVE ME THAT LLOK! I'M NOT A MOLESTER!!!!"

"Sure…uhm…stay there. UH!"

"What? What now?"

"What's that on your bed, Master?"

"A kid in bondage…hey, wait a minute! Tesla!"

He shut the door immediately. I stomped my foot. I am not a rapist!! I walked back to the bathroom. Nel was standing there. Good, she was listening to me now.

"Does Nel have to go without cwothes?"

"No. Of course not."

"Then where aw Nel's cwothes…?"

How to weasel out of this one? I stepped out of the bathroom and shut the door. There, weaseled out of it. Just in time, seeing as how Tesla opened the door. He had some clothes in his hand.

"I got them from Aaroniero. He had some clothes that shrunk in the dryer."

"Perfect. She'll look weird, but it'll be fine." I snatched the clothes from him. He was looking at Wonderweiss. He just sat there. It was like he didn't know he had been chained up.

"Uh…Master…"

"Don't ask. Don't say anything. Leave." I went back into the bathroom.

"Put these on." I gave Nel the clothes. I turned my back so she could change.

"I'm weady!"

I turned back to her. Um….speechless? She looked like a mini Aaroniero. The frilly jacket was the worst part. At least she was clothed though…shudder. It was such a hard shudder, I think I'm having a seizure. I calm down and take Nel back into the main room where I untie Wonderweiss. He looks out my barred window.

"hhhhhoooww….niiiiggghhhtt."

"Yeah…it is night. Maybe you guys should get to bed."

Nel yawned.

"Nel isn't tired in da weast. Nel could pway foreva and eva. Nel…is…fuwy…energized…ZZZZZZZZZZZZ…" She fell onto the floor asleep. Wonderweiss stared at me.

"Are you going to fall asleep?" I asked. He held something out to me. I readjusted my eye patch and looked at the rectangular thing.

"What the hell is this?"

"Book…read…Wonderweiss…"

"Read? Fuck wrong with you? I can't read."

He looked like he was about to cry again. I didn't need that because then he would wake Nel up. I most certainly didn't need that because she would get all hyper. I took the book from Wonderweiss. I can't read, so what am I to do? Well, he most likely can't read and probably doesn't even know what the book is or about. I looked at the title of the book.

"Uh…Suh-now…er…Whi…White! Snow White." Phew, I got past the title. Now to try to read this thing to him. I opened the book. Too many words…too lazy…but there are pictures!!! I was going to wing it.

"Okay, once upon a time, there was a bad muther-fucker known as Snow White. Her friends called her Halibel."

_You told a story about me?!!_

Yup. I admire you. On with _my_ story.

"Well, Halibel White was one of the prettiest gals you could have ever seen. Nice, tan skin soft to the touch. Green eyes that give steely glares that could turn anyone on. Perfect, blonde hair. Big, luscious boobs perfect for grabbing."

_Pervertive bastard….._

(laugh) "Halibel White was so pretty, she made Queen…Apache jealous. Apache wanted Halibel White dead, so she sent an assassin Mila-Rose to get her. Mila-Rose died. Halibel White knew the Queen was responsible, so went to the castle, turned into a sexy, barely dressed shark, and kicked Queen Apache's ass. The End."

"Waaaaaaaaaah! Haaaaaaaaaa! Hoooooowwoo!!" Wonderweiss cheered. I put the book down and made him go to sleep. I laughed to myself. I had done it. I had taken care of both kids, no problem. I was so happy. Someone knocked at my door. I opened it. It was Aizen and Tousen.

"We have come for the children." Tousen said. Aizen nodded.

"Dondachakka and Pesche arrived and are waiting for Nel."

"I really should take Wonderweiss off your hands now."

"Oh, sure, sure. They're sleeping. Let me wake them up." I went into the room and shook them both. They woke up yawning. Wonderweiss was pretty pissed. He had just fallen asleep. He got happy when he saw Tousen. He pet Wonderweiss. Nel jumped into Aizen's arms.

"Did you have fun with Nnoitra?" He asked. The moment of truth. I sucked in my breath.

"It was weally fun! Nel had such a gweat time! Noitwa is weally gweat!"

"Good to know." He smiled and walked away. Tousen pat me on the back.

"Good job, Nnoitra. You've pleased both Aizen and me."

"It was nothing."

"We should have you babysit more often."

"I'd love to." I said without actually hearing what he had just said. Tousen nodded and left the room with Wonderweiss following him. I fell on my bed. What a day that was! I was so tired. I was never going to babysit again.

And that, readers, is how a tough guy like me survived brat-sitting.

_I'm impressed. You acted mature on some occasions…you did good._

I know I did. I thank you for your comment though. Aw, don't give me that death glare.

…_Whatever. Now, did you not make me a promise during the story?_

Right. Food. Let's go. We prepared to leave when...

"Nnoitra. Could I ask you a favor?" Aizen came into the room. I looked at him.

"How did you get in here Aizen-sama?" I asked shocked.

"What are you talking about? You're just in the back of the library."

"Rrrriiiiiiiiiiight…uh, what do you need?"

"I need you to babysit."

"Huh!?"

"Well, actually, pet sit."

"Pet?"

"Nel's pet Bawa-Bawa."

"But…I…plans…"

"I could just get someone else to do it." Aizen said.

"Yeah, let's go with that." I smiled. Tousen came from out of nowhere and kicked me down pinning me with his foot. Aizen pulled out a dagger.

"I guess I'll have to cut you to pieces with this then."

"WHAT!?"

He lowered the dagger towards me. Thoughts _do_ come true!!

End.

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Don't worry everybody, Nnoitra is A-OK. Thanks for reading, Hope you liked. 8D


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